Apply Interpersonal Skills to Establish and Maintain Professional Relationships
If you work in ABA—whether as a BCBA, clinic owner, supervisor, or experienced RBT—you know the technical side of your job matters deeply. Assessment design, behavior intervention plans, data collection, and progress monitoring are the backbone of what you do. But there’s something equally essential that sometimes gets less attention: interpersonal skills, the way you connect, listen, and collaborate with families, team members, and the people you serve.
Interpersonal skills are the everyday behaviors and communication practices that build trust, clarify expectations, and create a foundation for effective treatment. They include active listening, clear explanations, empathy, assertiveness, and the ability to resolve conflict constructively. Without these skills, even the best-designed intervention can falter. With them, families are more likely to follow through, teams work together smoothly, and clients get better outcomes.
This post will help you understand what interpersonal skills really mean in an ABA context, when and how to use them, and how to keep them ethical and boundaried. By the end, you’ll have concrete examples and practical guidance to strengthen your professional relationships—and the quality of care you provide.
What Interpersonal Skills Are in ABA
Interpersonal skills are observable, learnable behaviors that help you relate to others effectively: listening without interrupting, explaining ideas clearly, noticing when someone is upset and responding appropriately, and following through on commitments. These are distinct from clinical skills (like designing a functional behavior assessment) and business skills (like billing or scheduling). All three matter; interpersonal skills simply help you deliver your clinical and business work with clarity and humanity.
Think of interpersonal skills as the vehicle through which everything else travels. A family may intellectually understand why their child’s tantrum shouldn’t earn screen time, but if you’ve rushed through the explanation, used unfamiliar jargon, or made them feel judged, they’re much less likely to stay consistent. If you take time to listen to their concerns, explain the plan in plain language, acknowledge how hard parenting is, and check in regularly, adherence and partnership tend to improve.
The core interpersonal skills used in ABA settings include:
- Active listening: fully focusing on what someone says, paraphrasing to confirm understanding, and asking clarifying questions.
- Clear communication: explaining clinical concepts and expectations without jargon, adapting your language to your audience.
- Emotional attunement: noticing when a caregiver is frustrated, a supervisee is struggling, or a team member is skeptical—and responding appropriately.
- Consistency and follow-through: doing what you say you’ll do, meeting deadlines, and being predictable.
- Cultural humility: asking questions, listening to how families experience their own culture and values, and adjusting your approach respectfully.
- Assertiveness and conflict management: addressing disagreements directly, respectfully, and promptly rather than letting them fester.
Why Interpersonal Skills Matter in Your Practice
When interpersonal skills are strong, treatment tends to work better. Families engage more fully, supervisees learn faster, and interdisciplinary teams collaborate instead of compete. Poor communication—vague explanations, defensive reactions, failure to follow through, or insensitivity to cultural differences—creates confusion, reduces adherence, and damages trust.
The ethical stakes are real. Your responsibility to clients includes not just clinical competence but also treating them with respect, obtaining genuine informed consent, and maintaining appropriate boundaries. These obligations are impossible to fulfill without solid interpersonal skills. When you listen carefully to a caregiver’s concerns, you learn important context that shapes your assessment. When you explain a behavior plan clearly and check for understanding, you give caregivers the chance to ask questions and consent freely. When you maintain professional boundaries—balancing warmth with limits—you protect both the client and yourself.
Interpersonal skills also affect your team and clinic culture. Supervisors who give feedback with clarity and empathy tend to have supervisees who stay engaged and grow. Clinic directors who listen to staff concerns build loyalty and reduce burnout. Harsh or dismissive communication corrodes relationships and leads to turnover.
Professional Rapport vs. Personal Friendship
One of the most common misunderstandings about interpersonal skills is confusing them with becoming friends. Professional rapport is the warm, trusting relationship you build with a client, caregiver, or team member centered on a shared goal. It’s intentional, boundaried, and focused on the work at hand. Personal friendship is a reciprocal relationship where both people share equally, spend time together outside the professional context, and have no power imbalance or clinical objective.
You can build strong rapport without crossing into friendship. Be genuinely kind and interested in the caregiver’s perspective while staying focused on the client’s needs. Remember details about a family’s life and show you care, but don’t share your own personal struggles in return or spend time with them outside sessions. Be warm while maintaining clarity about your role: you are there to help their child progress, not to be their friend.
Empathy vs. Sympathy: An Important Distinction
Empathy means understanding and recognizing someone’s feelings and perspective without necessarily agreeing with their choices. When a parent is frustrated that their child hasn’t made progress in three months, empathy means acknowledging how hard that feels and understanding why they’re discouraged. Sympathy is pity or feeling sorry for someone, which can sometimes cloud your clinical judgment or inadvertently validate choices that aren’t in the child’s best interest.
The goal in ABA is to lead with empathy while maintaining clinical objectivity. You can say, “I really understand how frustrating this is—progress with autism is often slower than we hope” and explain that the current plan is sound and needs more time. You don’t need sympathy to support families; you need genuine understanding paired with professional clarity.
Cultural Humility: Asking, Not Assuming
Cultural humility is the ongoing practice of self-reflection, genuine curiosity about how families experience their own culture and values, and willingness to adapt your approach respectfully. It differs from cultural competence, which can feel like “I learned about your culture, so now I know how to treat you.” Cultural humility treats families as the experts on their own lives and values.
In practice, this means asking caregivers how their family celebrates successes, what matters most to them, and how they prefer to communicate. It means recognizing that your values around independence, eye contact, or assertiveness may not be universal. If a family’s cultural norms conflict with a typical ABA approach—for example, if direct eye contact is considered disrespectful in their culture—you work with them to understand the tension and find an ethical, respectful path forward, often in consultation with a cultural broker or supervisor.
When and Where You Use Interpersonal Skills
Interpersonal skills aren’t something you “do” once and move on. They’re woven into every interaction across the entire service journey.
At intake and assessment, you use active listening and open questions to understand the family’s priorities and concerns. You avoid jargon, summarize what you’ve heard to confirm accuracy, and set clear expectations about next steps. This foundation of trust shapes everything that follows.
During informed consent conversations, you explain the proposed treatment plan in plain language, check for understanding, invite questions, and give families genuine choice. Poor communication here can lead to misunderstandings, low adherence, or ethical violations.
In parent training and coaching sessions, you balance skill-teaching with emotional support. When a caregiver is frustrated, you pause, validate their feelings, offer a short break if needed, and return with a simplified step and praise for their effort. This responsiveness keeps families engaged over the long term.
In supervision and feedback conversations, you deliver information clearly, invite dialogue, and balance accountability with support. A supervisee who feels heard and respected will learn faster and stay with your clinic longer.
In team meetings with teachers, medical providers, or other therapists, you communicate in a way that values their expertise and invites collaboration. You listen to their concerns about a treatment plan and problem-solve together rather than defending your position.
When handling complaints, mistakes, or service termination, strong interpersonal skills—an apology, an explanation, a solution, and follow-through—preserve dignity and relationships even in difficult moments.
Real-World Examples in ABA
Intake meeting example: A BCBA meets a family for the first time. She starts by saying, “Tell me what brought you in today” rather than launching into questions. As the parent describes their child’s aggression and their frustration, she nods, maintains eye contact, and occasionally paraphrases: “So it sounds like you’re especially worried about safety at home, and you want to see him do better in school.” She avoids the phrase “challenging behavior” and instead says “behaviors that are getting in the way.” When the parent asks what causes autism, she gives a brief, honest answer rather than pretending certainty. By the end of the meeting, the parent feels heard, understands the next steps, and is ready to move forward.
Parent training example: A BCBA is coaching a mother through a new bedtime routine. The mother tries the first step, but the child cries and she looks stressed. The BCBA notices and pauses. She says, “This is really hard. You’re doing a lot right now.” She offers a two-minute break, then models a simplified first step and praises the mother’s effort. Over the next ten minutes, the mother grows more confident. The BCBA’s attention to the relationship during the learning process—not just the technical content—helps the parent stick with it.
Examples From Other Fields That Translate to ABA
A school counselor coordinating a behavior support plan with teachers uses clear, concise language and respects each teacher’s expertise. She listens to their concerns about classroom routines and asks for their ideas rather than telling them what to do. This collaborative approach mirrors what good interpersonal skills look like in any setting.
A nurse explaining discharge instructions uses the teach-back method: she explains something, then asks the patient to explain it back in their own words. If there’s confusion, she clarifies and checks again. She also asks about the patient’s cultural preferences and adapts her approach. These skills—plain language, checking for understanding, cultural responsiveness—are equally important in ABA when teaching a caregiver a new strategy.
Common Mistakes That Undermine Professional Relationships
Using too much jargon is one of the most frequent errors. Saying “We’ll use an extinction procedure with a differential reinforcement schedule” makes sense to you, but a caregiver hears professional language that feels alienating. When you’re unsure whether your explanation landed, ask, “Can you walk me through what you heard?”
Failing to follow through is another common problem. You promise to send a parent an article, email a teacher with an update, or circle back after a week—and then you don’t. Each broken promise chips away at trust. If you commit to something, do it or clearly communicate why it didn’t happen.
Avoiding difficult conversations happens often too. A supervisee is consistently late with data sheets, or a teacher isn’t implementing the plan as designed. It’s tempting to let it slide, but small issues fester into big resentments. Address concerns promptly and respectfully.
Over-sharing personal information is a boundary issue many clinicians face. A caregiver asks about your own kids or your childhood experiences, and you answer in detail. While a small amount of personal sharing can build warmth, too much shifts focus away from the client’s needs and can create a friendship-like dynamic that blurs professional lines.
Assuming shared values without asking can cause real damage. You may think all families want their child to be as independent as possible, or that eye contact is important everywhere—but these aren’t universal. Ask, listen, and adapt.
Ethical Boundaries and Professional Limits
Interpersonal skills must always operate within clear ethical boundaries. The BACB Ethics Code addresses gifts, dual relationships, social media, and confidentiality. Here’s what that looks like in practice:
Gifts and tokens of appreciation are a cultural norm in many communities. If a family offers you a small gift, consider your agency’s policy. Most policies allow modest gifts that pose no conflict of interest. Thank the family warmly, accept or decline based on policy, and document your decision. Refusing a gift without explanation can feel cold; explaining your policy respectfully preserves the relationship while maintaining boundaries.
Self-disclosure—sharing your own experiences—can build rapport when it’s purposeful and brief. Saying, “I worked with another family who struggled with mealtimes, and we found that…” shows you understand their challenge. But avoid long personal stories or details that shift focus to your life. Any significant self-disclosure should be documented and guided by “Does this help the client?”
Social media connections with current or former clients should generally be declined. Explain your policy: “To protect your privacy and keep professional boundaries clear, I’m not able to connect on social media. I’m happy to stay in touch by phone or email.” This is warm and offers alternatives.
Confidentiality must be guarded even when building rapport. Don’t share information about one family with another, and never discuss clients in public or online without explicit permission.
Handling boundary violations is part of ethical practice. If you notice a colleague has become too friendly with a client, accepted a significant gift, or shared excessive personal information, follow your agency’s reporting procedures, prioritize client safety, and document your observations.
Practice Questions to Test Your Understanding
Scenario 1: A parent is upset that a scheduled session started 15 minutes late due to traffic. What’s your best first move?
Apologize briefly, acknowledge their frustration, explain the cause if relevant, and offer a solution (reschedule, extend the session, or make up the time). Then document the incident. This shows accountability, validates their concern, and provides a path forward. Don’t become defensive, over-apologize with personal details, or ignore the complaint.
Scenario 2: A supervisee starts asking personal questions about your life during supervision. How do you respond?
Offer minimal, purposeful self-disclosure if it relates to the supervision goal, then gently redirect: “I’m glad that helps—I want to make sure we focus on your learning goals today. Let’s talk about the concern you mentioned with the client’s reinforcer.” This keeps rapport while maintaining professional focus.
Scenario 3: A family offers you a lunch gift after months of successful work. What do you do?
Thank them warmly, check your agency’s policy on gifts, consider cultural context, and accept or politely decline based on policy. Document the offer and your decision.
Scenario 4: In a team meeting with school staff, a teacher publicly criticizes your behavior intervention plan. What’s your move?
Stay calm and curious. Acknowledge the concern: “I hear that you’re worried about X. Tell me more about what you’re seeing.” Ask clarifying questions, then propose: “This is important. Let’s schedule a brief follow-up so we can look at the data together and figure out how to adjust if needed.” This de-escalates the moment and opens a collaborative path.
Scenario 5: A client or caregiver asks to connect with you on social media. How do you respond?
Explain your policy kindly: “My agency asks that I keep social media separate from clinical work to protect privacy. I’m happy to stay in touch by phone, email, or through our clinic platform.” Offer concrete alternatives so they don’t feel rejected.
Interpersonal Skills vs. Technical Skills: What’s the Difference?
Many clinicians ask: “Aren’t these just communication skills? Why do they need a separate name?” The distinction matters. Technical skills are the specific clinical and business competencies you use—functional behavior assessment, data collection, behavior plan design, billing, scheduling. Interpersonal skills are the way you relate, collaborate, and communicate in service of those technical skills.
You might know how to design a flawless behavior plan, but if you can’t explain it to a caregiver in a way that makes sense, or if you don’t listen to the family’s concerns, the plan may fail. Conversely, you might have wonderful interpersonal warmth, but without clinical knowledge, you can’t deliver real help. Both matter. Interpersonal skills are the foundation on which technical skills rest and become effective.
Setting Boundaries Without Seeming Cold
A common worry is that maintaining boundaries will make you seem uncaring or distant. But boundaries and warmth aren’t mutually exclusive. When you set a limit respectfully, you actually strengthen trust.
Use three steps: name the boundary clearly, offer a brief reason, and provide an alternative. For example: “I can’t text after 7 p.m. because I need to be fully present with my family, and our clinic policy supports that. But I’ll always respond first thing in the morning, and for emergencies, here’s our after-hours number.” This is respectful, honest, and warm. It models healthy limits and gives the family something concrete.
When you can’t take on a request—a caregiver wants sessions on a day you don’t work, or a supervisor asks you to do clinical work outside your training—explain briefly and suggest an alternative. Boundaries demonstrate respect: you’re being honest rather than overcommitting or working outside your competence.
How to Repair a Professional Relationship After a Mistake
Everyone makes mistakes. You missed an appointment, gave unclear feedback, or said something insensitive. How you respond determines whether the relationship recovers.
Acknowledge the mistake clearly. Don’t make excuses or minimize: “I realize I didn’t explain that clearly, and I can see why you were confused.” Apologize briefly—one sentence, sincere. Explain what you’ll do differently: “Going forward, I’ll send you a written summary of our plan.” Follow through immediately and visibly. Invite dialogue: “Is there anything else that bothered you about how I handled that?” Document your correction.
This repair process isn’t weakness; it’s a demonstration of integrity. Families and team members respect clinicians who own their mistakes and fix them.
When Cultural Norms Conflict With Typical Practice
Imagine a family where the parents make all medical and educational decisions together, and they expect the BCBA to address both parents, never just one. Or a family where a child is expected to follow adult directions without question, and praise from strangers is considered inappropriate. These values differ from some standard ABA assumptions, but they’re not wrong—they’re different.
Use cultural humility: ask how the family prefers to be involved. Listen without judgment. Adapt respectfully when possible. Consult your supervisor if you’re unsure how to proceed. Ensure that any adaptations still protect the client’s safety and rights. Sometimes you’ll explain why a certain approach is important for the treatment, and sometimes you’ll adjust your approach to fit the family’s values. Both are okay; the key is asking and respecting the answer.
Key Takeaways
Interpersonal skills are not soft skills or extras—they’re essential tools that enable ethical, effective ABA practice. At their core, these skills mean listening actively, explaining clearly, respecting cultural differences, and maintaining professional boundaries. Use them at intake, during training, in supervision, and when things go wrong. They’re learnable, and they directly affect whether families stay engaged, teams collaborate, and clients get better outcomes. Balance warmth with professional limits, document important interactions, and keep your eye on the client’s wellbeing. When you get this right, everything else works better.
